


oh captain, my captain

by stilinskisbitch



Series: texts of the trash heap [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Background Relationships, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, Group chat, Implied Relationships, M/M, Pictures, Screenshots, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-03
Updated: 2015-09-03
Packaged: 2018-04-18 20:02:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4718723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stilinskisbitch/pseuds/stilinskisbitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bokuto needs love advice and asks the other captains.</p>
            </blockquote>





	oh captain, my captain

**Bokuto:**                sooo i gotta tell u guys something

 **Oikawa:**                you’ve decided to take a vow of silence and move into the woods?

 **Daichi:**                  you’ve accidentally bought 46 watermelons?

 **Bokuto:** …no? the thing is

 **Oikawa:**                you’re finally gonna admit that your hair is not natural?

 **Daichi:**                  you did, in fact, not wake up like this?

 **Bokuto:** LISTEN

 **Kuroo:**                  dude we all know your ancestors weren’t owls

 **Bokuto:**                 i swear, bro, my great great grandfather was half owl!!!!  
                            but anyway

 **Daichi:**                  how would that even work?

 **Oikawa:** that sounds pretty unhealthy

 **Bokuto:**                 IM IN LOVE OK 

 **Daichi:**                  …ok?

 **Bokuto:**                 WITH A BOY

 **Oikawa:**                …ok

 **Bokuto:**                  IF U WANNA OBJECT DO IT NOW

 **Kuroo:**                   bro

 **Bokuto:**                 BUT I CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT THIS

 **Kuroo:**                   bro

 **Bokuto:**                 MY FEELINGS ARE REAL AND THEY ARE VALID

 **Kuroo:**                   bro you know we all have boyfriends right

 **Bokuto:**                  oh  
                             right!!!  
                             sry i got carried away there   
                             so anyway  
                             IM IN LOVE

 **Oikawa:**                  is it the pretty setter

 **Kuroo:** oh akaashi? definitely

 **Daichi:**                    it’s akaashi isn’t it

 **Kuroo:**                    i’d be surprised if it wasn’t

 **Bokuto:**                  ITS AKAASHI 

 **Daichi:**                   shocking

 **Oikawa:**                  scandalous

 **Kuroo:**                    who would’ve thought

 **Oikawa:**                  but how is that guy so pretty though?  
                             it’s UNREAL  
                             he is almost as pretty as I am, and he doesn’t even TRY 

 **Bokuto:**                  IKR   
                             HE IS SO BEAUTIFUL

 **Kuroo:**                    bro?

 **Bokuto:**                  HIS HAIR LOOKS SO NICE ALL THE TIME AND HAVE U SEEN HIS EYES

 **Kuroo:**                    bro

 **Bokuto:** AND THE LITTLE SMILE SOMETIMES OH MY GOD

 **Kuroo:**                    BRO

 **Bokuto:**                  huh?

 **Kuroo:**                    was there a reason you told us all this?

 **Bokuto:**                   right!!!!!  
                              i kinda need help??? 

 **Daichi:**                    i’m pretty sure you all need help

 **Kuroo:**                     sawamura stfu

 **Bokuto:**                   i need ADVICE

 **Kuroo:**                     ohohoho, love advice? ;) ;) ;)

 **Bokuto:**                    yes 

 **Kuroo:**                     you came to the right guy ;) ;) ;) ;)

 **Daichi:**                     oh my god  
                               bokuto WHATEVER YOU DO  
                               do NOT listen to any advice from kuroo  
                               PLEASE

 **Kuroo:**                      dude, i’m wounded!  
                               doctor love knows what to do when it comes to dating ;) ;)

 **Oikawa:**                    did you just really

 **Daichi:**                     don’t you have any dignity

 **Kuroo:**                      shut up

 **Daichi:**                     i still get nightmares from the time you tried to ask me out           

 **Oikawa:**                    ew, he did that? 

 **Kuroo:**                      that was a dark time in my life

 **Bokuto:**                     it’s ok bro!!! <3

 

_Daichi has sent a picture_

 

  

 

 **Oikawa:**                never thought I’d say this but  
                            sawamura  
                            I’m sorry  
                            that’s so painful to even read now, wow

 **Kuroo:**                  fuck you sawamura  
                            you too oikawa  
                            why the fuck would you screenshot that?

 **Daichi:**                  to remind myself every once in a while what a huge loser you are

 **Kuroo:**                   just because you’re immune to my charm..

 **Daichi:**                  me and every other inhabitant of the earth

 **Oikawa:**                 I don’t think that would work on aliens either tbh

 **Kuroo:**                   RUDE  
                             it totally worked on kenma tho

 **Daichi:**                  nah son

 **Oikawa:**                that was probably pity

 **Daichi:**                  i think kuroo bribed him with video games

 **Oikawa:**                maybe he sold his soul

 **Daichi:**                  …that would explain so much

 **Kuroo:**                   SO RUDE  
                            kenma loves me

 **Bokuto:**                 I STILL KINDA NEED HELP GUYS PLEASE 

 **Kuroo:**                  well, oikawa?

 **Oikawa:**               what?  
                           want me to tell you what kind of conditioner I use?

 **Kuroo:**                 um no? but

 **Oikawa:**               by the way, sawamura  
                            do you know what kind of shampoo refreshing-kun uses?

 **Daichi:**                   okay what the actual fuck

 **Kuroo:**                   that’s kinda perverted

 **Bokuto:**                

 **Daichi:**                   seriously what the fuck

 **Oikawa:**                oh, shut up  
                            how does his hair look so soft?  
                            mine doesn’t do that???  
                            I mean I still look great, obviously but

 **Kuroo:**                  THAT'S what i was talking about  
                            you must have done SOMETHING to get your boyfriend to put up with you on a regular basis

 **Bokuto:**                 but where is the lie~

 **Oikawa:**                 excuse you!  
                            I'm a perfectly pleasant person to be around!

 **Kuroo:**                   of course you are

 **Oikawa:**                and an amazing boyfriend!!!!

 **Daichi:**                 sure

 **Oikawa:**                 I am! 

 **Kuroo:**                   totally

 **Oikawa:**                well if you don't believe me, you can ask iwa-chan 

 

_Oikawa has added Iwaizumi to oh captain, my captain_

 

 **Oikawa:**                 IWA-CHAN!! 

 **Iwaizumi:**               no

 

_Iwaizumi has left oh captain, my captain_

 

 **Oikawa:**                 so mean, Iwa-chan!!! 

 **Daichi:**                  if that isn't love then idk what is lmao

 **Kuroo:**                   LOVE HURTS

 **Bokuto:**                 LOVE SCARS

 **Kuroo:**                   LOVE WOUNDS

 **Daichi:**                  AND MARKS

 **Oikawa:**                 you know what, I’m done talking to you 

 **Daichi:**                  thank god

 **Bokuto:**                 but broooo 

 **Kuroo:**                   dude what

 **Bokuto:**                 bro who will help me with akaashi 

 **Daichi:**                   bokuto, listen  
                            why don’t you just tell him you like him?

 **Bokuto:**                 i cant just DO THAT 

 **Kuroo:**                   don’t you know anything about love, sawamura?

 **Daichi:**                 seriously?

 **Bokuto:**                OH MY GOD  
                            WHAT IF HE ISNT EVEN GAY  
                            HE PROBABLY DOESNT EVEN LIKE ME

 **Kuroo:**                   bro

 **Bokuto:**                 HE PROBABLY HATES ME

 **Kuroo:**                   bro

 **Bokuto:**                 HE PROBABLY DOESNT EVEN KNOW I EXIST

 **Kuroo:**                   BRO

 **Bokuto:**                 huh?

 **Kuroo:**                   HE’S LITERALLY ONE OF YOUR BEST FRIENDS  
                            i’m pretty sure he knows you exist and likes you a lot

 **Bokuto:**                 oh right

 **Daichi:**                   how am i still in this group?

 **Bokuto:**                 but WHAT IF HE DOESNT LIKE ME LIKE THAT 

 **Kuroo:**                   bro ofc he likes you  
                            everybody loves you

 **Daichi:**                   i don’t

 **Oikawa:**                me neither

 **Kuroo:**                   well I DO  
                            and if i were a cat i’d spend all 9 lives with you

 **Bokuto:**                 bro <3

 **Kuroo:**                   we’ll figure something out ok<3

 

* * *

 

 **Bokuto:**                 OH MY GOD

 **Kuroo:**                   OHOHO?

 **Bokuto:**                 OHOHOHO!!!!!! 

 **Kuroo:**                   nohoho wayyyyy!!! <3

 

_Bokuto has sent a picture_

 

 

 

 **Kuroo:**                    told you it would work! <3 <3

 **Bokuto:**                   

 **Daichi:**                    how on earth

 **Oikawa:**                  that poor mislead soul

 **Daichi:**                   ..congrats, bokuto.

 **Bokuto:**                  THANK YOU 

 **Oikawa:**                  sawamura, seriously though  
                              what kind of shampoo does he use?

 **Daichi:**                    oh my god, fuck off

 **Oikawa:**                  no really

 **Daichi:**                    didn’t you wanna shut up?

 **Oikawa:**                  but

 **Daichi:**                    NO

**Author's Note:**

> i don't think daichi and oikawa get along all that well. they just tend to bond over (mostly) kuroo's stupidity.  
> kuroo and bokuto on the other hand have the ultimate bromance.
> 
> (on a side note: you should definitely listen to this song here that i had stuck in my head for the entire time i wrote this. why oh why.. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRseWziXZfo)
> 
> as always: if you feel like talking about this fanfic or haikyuu!! or anything,  
> you can message me on tumblr! :) (stopanime2k16.tumblr.com/ask)
> 
> thank you for reading, i hope you liked it, feedback would be highly appreciated! <3


End file.
